nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
