Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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