4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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