if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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