the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
