bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
