Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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