I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
