Dual....:-)
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
