Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
