there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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