i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
