The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
