Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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