I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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