When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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