I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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