Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
