Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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