You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
pray to the hookup gods
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
