anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
