I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
