sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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