girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I AM VODKA MAN
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
