His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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