she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
