Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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