here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
