You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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