My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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