i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
