I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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