I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
bring money and cleavage
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
