I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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