I could make wine with my vomit
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
