Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
