my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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