Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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