Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
