just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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