i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
