My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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