It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
