hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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