I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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