I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
