Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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