Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
