If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
