a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
