listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
