Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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