So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you made out with another girl for some wings
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
