yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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