I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
