I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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