im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Randomize
