Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
