they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
