if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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