her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
