I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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