Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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