So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
