I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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