Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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